


You never really loved the pain.

by grantvire



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Chronological, Songfic, hopefully not too painful, in some places, ish, lowkey probably unhealthy, sort of, um ?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:24:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grantvire/pseuds/grantvire
Summary: "No matter how hard he tries he can’t seem to burn the image of Enjolras walking away from him out of his mind."





	

_THE MIDDLE_

 

 

Grantaire's life was quite frankly shattered, every memory he had was sharp enough to cut him to the bone and burned with the strength of 1000 suns. His entire being was bloody and blistered.

 

——————-

 

He tried not to think too much about his life, thinking caused pain and he was in enough of that already. He spent his life trying to escape his mind. _(you can’t run away from something thats part of you)._

 

——————-

 

He dreams. He dreams of puns and laughter and a man with a bold head and a studious man with tattoo sleeves. He dreams of a person with long braided hair that wrote poetry on his arms. He dreams of a young boy and his sister who shouldn't have had to be this strong. He dreams of red and gold, of fierce blue eyes and passion. _(He wakes up, he drinks, he forgets)._

 

——————-

 

Grantaire tries to stay inside as much as possible, he wants ( _needs_ ) to isolate himself from the outside world whenever he can but sometimes he has to go outside, he has to buy more art supplies and food which is how he catches himself at the train station looking at an all to familiar face.

 

 

_THE BEGINNING_

 

 

Grantaire knew it was unhealthy right from the start his fascination with the blonde (who quickly took the nickname of Apollo), from the first moment they met, trapped together _somewhere_ with his Apollo, he doesn’t remember much other than the way the man seemed to physically glow and the way the air cleared when they caught eye. 

He also remembers the homophobe, the man who had been hurling abuse at Grantaire. And his Apollo (Enjolras he later found out) stepped in, he tried to talk the man down but the man had a knife that was dangerously close to R’s neck and the next thing he knew there was a deafening crack, the man was on the floor and Apollos hand had blood on. 

 

Thats when Grantaire knew he was gone, when Enjolras ran his hands through his hair and walked away. R had never ran so hard to catch up with someone.

 

——————-

 

Grantaire knew Enjolras was a great man. He also knew he was capable of committing terrible acts if he felt the results would be worth the crime he committed.

 

He wanted to hold Enjolras close, he wanted to love him, he wanted to help him. He knew he could do neither.

 

——————-

 

He joined Les Amis, a group of people who would do whatever it takes for equal rights. Grantaire was fairly certain they were classed as a terrorist organisation. He was also fairly certain he didn’t care about that.

——————-

 

The first time Grantaire knew his feelings were requited was at a rally, they were trying to gain support for more non-binary people (someone had attacked Jehan last week for their gender and the Amis were having none of it, Combeferre sat out of this rally, he was tracking the man down) and the police had come, they’d thrown tear gas at them with false claims of them being a violent crowd. Enjolras had held R close as he cried and cried about how unfair this all was, how this shouldn't have happened (it was only later when he heard ferre had been arrested for hacking that he realised he had known that was going to happen the whole time and really that was why he was crying, for their mistakes.)

 

——————

 

They shared their first kiss that night. The streets were bare covered with only shattered glass and broken signs. They kissed in the middle of the street as though they didn’t care who was watching. They kissed for hope and dependance and because it seemed like the only normal thing to do in the broken world. They kissed as though their lives depended on it _(perhaps they had)._

 

_——————-_

Grantaire and Enjolras spent more time to themselves now away from the Amis away from the pain. They sought comfort in one another, providing sanctuaries for each other as the rest of the world was collapsing around them.

 

——————-

 

Grantaire was happy and thats how he knew it was going to end, there was none of their usually arguing there was nothing. They were peaceful and content and it was temporary. 

 

——————-

 

They met in the park on a Saturday morning, they were both hungover after a night spent partying with lost souls and vodka. Enjolras went straight to the point, there were no “it’s not you it’s me”’s there were no “I hope we can still be friends” there were just “you were a distraction” and “how can I focus on the cause if you’re there” and a “please don't try and contact me again”.

 

Grantaire didn’t blame him, the amount of rallies and protests Enjolras had missed due to Grantaire, well it just made sense, he understood. It didn’t mean he liked it.

 

( _no matter how hard he tries he can’t seem to burn the image of Enjolras walking away from him out of his mind)_

 

_THE ENDING_

 

 

It was Enjolras in line for the train, he’d recognise those blonde curls and stark red jacket anywhere. But Enjolras looked different, he looked happier, more content, his fists weren’t bruised and scrapped from getting into a fight and thats when it hit Grantaire. Enjolras had never liked the pain. 

 

——————-

 

 

For as long as he had known Enjolras he had always known he was a violent man, their first meeting was Enjolras hitting a man for him without a second thought. He had just never realised that before he had come into Enjolras’ life the man had never been violent. He had brought that out in the man. It was his fault that Enjolras had been so miserable.

 

——————-

 

_“The thrill of blood comes instantly_

_There's only darkness at the finish”_

**Author's Note:**

> so i hope u all liked it ah, this is roughly based on barricade by stars and if u haven't listened to that please go do that rn (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNNeI6NWb2E) also check out my twit @grantvire where i often post angsty head cannons thank u ily x


End file.
